Well this post I am writing from my experience of my life and my other friends life. First of all I hate the interference of parents in a child's life. Why don't they respect and trust the discussions taken by the child after all he/she is now adult and mature enough. First of all their interference will come why one wants to marry a girl/boy of his/her preference. If the opposite sex be of another caste or another religion what difference doest it makes. Parents say that society won’t accept such relationship. Are parents more bothered about society or their child’s? Another argument is that she/he will not able to settle at would be spouse place. Now who are they to decide, what the rationality is there behind it. The person knows better with whom he/she has to spend life, and if it’s a wrong discussion he/she will face the consequence.
They can believe in the institution called arrange marriage, in which the parents hardly knows the guy/gal and they think that this would be the best choice for their child. This is a height of hypocrisy. When they say their child cannot marry opposite choice of his/her preference, whom the child knows much better but they will go for arrange marriage where they hardly know the other guy/girl.
Other thing I have seen the freedom for females are curbed too much. I don’t know whether guys are rebellious or parents are liberal towards them, but for females a typical Indian parents are next to disaster. I agree that they are parents, but that doesn't mean that they have to encroach the privacy and space of the child saying that they are parents and have more experience, bla bla etc.Females cannot study much, if at all she studies then she cannot work cause she has to be servant in her husband house, then she cannot move to far away place to work and if she wants she has to take permission from parents.
Ok I agree there mite b sum good urban parents who don’t follow this, but I am talking abt general Indian parents. Another point is parents want to stay with their child even though he has grown up and even married. They say they want support in their old age. Ok come on u have grown old but not handicapped. Old age isn’t excuse to be dependent on your child or anybody else. Respect your child privacy and space. Let him/her allow doing anything because its their life and they are in the better position to judge their doings. Parents can give suggestion but they cannot be dogmatic and force their opinions on their children.
Is this matter of EGO for parents?
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
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16 comments:
dost whats rong wid u?
seems things r not going ur way. dude not all days r sunday...
so take a chill pill n let d world take its way. take care...he he
i think i know who ur other friend is...~~~
It another term can be just CARE!!!
Dude its not a point of ego for parents. They are not convinced with your view point. Convince them to see your view point. And everything shall be fine...
Its so true.... so hard to understand parents... they do things are always rite and if we do things our way( though it may have same output) we r wrong.. hieght of hypocracy..
Dear Ashish,
You said I have to convince them. But y should I? Cant my parents trust and respect my decisions? I am old and mature enough. So matter pertaining to my life I am sole responsible person to take decision. Y should I convince nebody?
Dude..
very true ..Indian parents really cant respect their kids selection..
they will see their child crying weeping.. n going thru shit.. but force her to marry someone whom no one knows a shit about.. n then assume..since they selected its the best...
I dont think its fair to stereotype all parents, it's a custom or a way of life that they have grown up in. just like how you've grown up believing that you make the decisions in your life (which i have to agree with. But just as it is difficult for you to see why they want to make your decisions, it's probably equally difficult for them to understand you makling your own decisions. I think narrow mindedness is something that affects everyone as humans and not something that can be easily controlled,so it's not likely that you can just "convince" your parents to go against something they believe in as they would consider themselves to be of more experience, knowledge etc but for them to give you freedom they have to respect you. and you cant demand their respect, you have to earn it. And no this isn't a parents point of view, but of a sixteen year old who has grown up in england and seen their friends treat their parents like shit.
Hello anonymous,
I am not stereotyping the Indian parents, but the probability is very high in INDIA of finding such kinda parents.
I agree to your point that we have to respect parents and vice verse. But my point is they should not be dogmatic on the decisions taken by the child. They can give suggestions, opinions, comments etc on the child's decision but they should not force their decision on the child.
i completely understand where your coming from...especially with your point on interracial marriages.
who gives a fuck if they're white!
...my dad told me i had to break up with my white girlfriend because he said word for word, "all white women are selfish and only care about themselves".
i am Indian and every other Indian parent i know is pretty much the same way as mine are...so kudos on this blog.
Dude, you are gonna laugh after reading..my life has been real f****d up because of my parents. I was in the college and after my final exams when i got home, i came to know that my parents had already fixed my marriage and everything. So within a month I got married. Trust me i thought of not marrying but everything was already done you know...relatives knew about it ..all the people in town..the girls family side had also started the preparations as it was only one month left. and why my parents did this to me..they thought that once i finish the college, i will get a job and will be on my own and would not listen to them and marry a girl of my choice. so they set me up. they called me home after everything was settled. I am never gonna forgive them for this..I loved this girl..my classmate..she doesn't know about it yet..she loves me and I jus can't get away from her..now my life is totally f****d...I don't know what to do..and the girl I married, I jus can't like her..she is beautiful and all but I am jus not attracted to her..so I try my best to never go home..well sorry for the huge post..
I'm so so sorry. That sounds completely awful and I wish there was something that can be done. I am not indian but I feel this way with all my indian friends. My boyfriend, for example, is nowhere near the pain I'm sure you are going through but he is having problems with his parents as well and I thought maybe someone could help me to help him. He goes to college with me and his paretns are making him go into computer science or engineering. However, he hates it. He does love music however. Sometimes I think he loves his guitar more than anything else. But he knows his parents would never accept him if he went into music. He tried researching other majors but his parents won't let him do anything else. He is getting bad grades in all his classes and is miserable working his ass off on what he hates. His parents said they may take him out of college now becuase he is wasting their money. I do not understand Indian parents at all, what is a good compromise they can make?
Your messed up bro... seriously have issues with understanding your parents... they dont sound any more hard headed than you. Yes Some Indian parents...like mine...try to make up their kids mind for them and are very intrusive but you have to see how scared they are that you as their child would screw up their lives...this is the only thing they know how to help you....and push you in the right direction...it may be wrong...it may be right...but at the least respect them for who they are... your parents. At the end of the day...the Love you more than anyone in this world does.
I didn't mean to say "you have to see how scared they are that you as their child would screw up their lives" I was trying to say "YOUR LIFE" Sorry for the typo in the last post.
this is true to a certain extent.
i've the same problem as you but fortunately iam financially well settled and far away from them.they kept forcing on my marriage and my dad asked me how much i make and all my expenditures (with and without tax-his exact words) and he wanted me to snd 1000 dollars per month to him so he can invest for me (he is well off and comfartable).
i tried to reason with them and my dad sais without him helping on my education (i had part scholarshipall along), i would be in the streets and i owe him my life.
i stopped talking to them for 2 years. after that, they were nicer, so we reached out and my momn said she is happt whosoever i marry. i was very happy to have them back in my life. and then slowly, my dad started asking about my savings. i told him since he is my dad and cares about me. this kept continuing and my parents slowly started to say that the guy should be from their community and with no weird family.
i asked them why they care so much, it is me who has to live with the guy and not them. their reply was that they want to live with their childrena nd grandchildren now and so i need to find a guy that accomodates them and to whom they can relate.
iam 29 years old and thi is a big problem.
i understand they love us and care the most about us and have sacrificed a lot for us but all this interference in everything makes it really hard to even speak with them. everytime i speak to them, there is always something they want to know. really annoying!!!
ok, my parents love me and im a girl bt i still go out( movies and stuff) nt like crazy bt fairly go out and they give me the same or almsot the same freedom as my older bro or will give me..and as for marrige i NO they wont forse me on to one person theyll give a choise(u no with the freakin limitations)bt only if i dont find a nice guy(good for them)that i like..and im pretty sure ill find aguy bt maybe nt someone they aprove of ...and its nt like im gonna forget im indian my moral nad values just becouse i marry someone i love(indian or nt)! right?
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